How to Support a Loved One Through Mental Health Challenges

I am not a professional helper or counsellor, but I am a mom, and I love my family with all my heart. My kids were in school when I learned about complex mental health challenges and began to recognize the signs in my family. I didn’t feel qualified, but love is powerful, and its meaning has changed and grown with me over the years.

The world of mental health information is overwhelming. There are so many books, so many workshops, and so many professionals who specialize in specific areas. We started at the doctor’s office, where they diagnosed depression after five minutes and prescribed a medication. The doctor said that they typically start with one medication, and if it doesn’t work, try a different one until we find one that does. 

There are moments of calm and peace that I treasure and fully absorb into my heart.

I wish I had a happy ending to share or a formula that healed our family. It’s been a hard road. There are moments of calm and peace that I treasure and fully absorb into my heart. And then there’s emotional dysregulation, an inability to hear another perspective, black and white thinking, addictions, anger, and lashing out with those who are safe.

When this energy fills a home, it is difficult to find one’s centre. Although the conflict resolution skills I studied in university have helped me in other situations, a resolution can only occur when the other person plays by the same rules.

I spent many years wondering if I was crazy because nothing made sense. Conversations and arguments went in circles. It was only when I stepped out of the circle that things became clear. I didn’t want to play these games. I was emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. I couldn’t support anyone, so the healing had to start with me.  As I continue my learning, I wanted to share a few things I’ve learned.

 

5 Tips for Supporting Someone Through Mental Health Challenges

1. Love yourself and believe that you are worthy. 

Giving your energy to those around you won’t fix them, so give yourself what you need to fill your cup. Lean on friends and family to support you. Let go of the expectation that it’s up to you to hold everyone up. It’s okay to ask for help. When you find your wholeness, your loved ones will be watching you.

A friend once challenged me with this question: “How can you be okay when your loved one isn’t?” I realized that my loved ones may struggle for some time – it might not just be a phase to get through. If this is a long road, how can I be okay through it? Being stuck in fear and worry doesn’t feel good. The challenge is to radically accept the path they are choosing and to lovingly detach from the responsibility of their choices. 

See the path of your loved one as their own. We can walk beside them, we can help them to find the tools they need to succeed, and we can listen.

2. Know that each of us has our own path.

See the path of your loved one as their own. We can walk beside them, we can help them to find the tools they need to succeed, and we can listen. There will probably always be a problem to jump in and fix, or a comment like, “If you loved me, you would do this for me.” A simple response to an older child or adult can be, “I trust that you will make the right decision.”

3. Remember that there are consequences to bad choices. 

Although it can be hard to watch those we love struggle, there’s a fine line between loving support and enabling. Be there to support your loved one, but keep in mind that they need the opportunity to work through their own issues – that way they can feel empowered when they succeed.

4. To label or not to label?

A label or diagnosis can be helpful for understanding mental health frameworks, although it is a choice to do this. I attended CTRI’s Borderline Personality Disorder workshop and found it helpful for understanding the specific traits in this diagnosis. I also learned some practical strategies and communication tools, which have been valuable in daily interactions with so many people. However, we decided that a diagnosis wasn’t important. Rather, we focused on ways to connect and learned communication strategies together.

5. Explore what love means to you.

Is love offered when certain conditions are met, or when life is calm and peaceful? To me, love means being there like no one else can, and that you see your family as the light they are inside. Love means acknowledging the struggle and facing it together. Love is hard work some days, but when we are healthy, we can love through the joy, the calm, the messy, and the chaotic. 

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” –Sam Keen

As we search for peace in our families and in the world around us, we can look inward and start by loving ourselves for all that we are. The only thing we can control is our own mental, physical, and emotional well-being. And when our cup is full, we can be the support that our loved ones need.

As we search for peace in our families and in the world around us, we can look inward and start by loving ourselves for all that we are.

“Love is the purest form of a soul at peace.” –Matthew Donnelly

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For more information on this topic check out our free printable PDF, 4 Keys for Helping Someone with a Mental Illness. For additional free resources, visit our free resources page.

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