From Lateral Violence to Lateral Kindness

I invite you to say these out loud:

• “I will walk in kindness today”
• “I will treat all my relations with kindness, care, and gentleness.”
• “I will practice self-compassion with myself and then sprinkle kindness to others.”
• “I give myself grace when I make a mistake.”
• “I am worthy of unconditional love, kindness, and compassion.”

How was that for you? Did it feel natural, uncomfortable, or just plain weird?

What is your understanding of the roots of lateral violence?

Lateral violence is a term used to describe the harmful behaviours that occur within marginalized or oppressed groups – most often directed sideways, toward peers or community members, rather than upwards toward the systems or structures that cause the oppression. It includes actions such as violence, exclusion, harassment, hurtful sarcasm, shaming, spreading rumours, and bullying. These acts often occur in families, workplaces, and communities, and they leave deep emotional and psychological scars.

In Indigenous communities, lateral violence is a symptom of colonization and not a reflection of Indigenous culture or character. Lateral violence is a symptom of colonization and intergenerational trauma. It is what happens when pain has nowhere to go.

The often-invisible wound of trauma is manifested and redirected towards others, and these behaviours can become automatic protective mechanisms.

The Roots of Lateral Violence

To understand lateral violence, we must look at its roots:

• Colonialism systematically disrupted Indigenous governance, kinship systems, and gender roles, replacing them with rigid hierarchies, patriarchal systems, and dependency models.
• Residential schools forcibly removed children from their families and communities, causing a disconnect from cultural identity. Many experienced abuse, neglect, and racism. Survivors returned to communities with unresolved trauma.
• Laws and policies such as the Indian Act created division within and between communities, often enforcing status hierarchies, gender inequities, and government prescribed distinctions that disrupted community relations, roles, reciprocity, and interconnections.
• Racism and systemic oppression continue to impact Indigenous people today. This leads to health disparities, chronic stress, shame, and feelings of powerlessness.

In this context, lateral violence can be seen as internalized oppression.There are many other roots of historical and present-day trauma that leads to internalized oppression.The pain caused by this trauma is being redirected laterally, within communities, organizations, and families, rather than at the system that caused it.

Throughout my journey as a facilitator with the Crisis and Trauma Resource Institute, there has been a theme in many of the Indigenous communities and organizations that I have visited and shared space in – the impacts of historical trauma are being projected laterally.

The often-invisible wound of trauma is manifested and redirected towards others, and these behaviours can become automatic protective mechanisms.

What I have been taught in ceremony is that sweetgrass grows strong together in a field and when alone can be vulnerable and fragile.

Weave love and kindness like a braid of sweetgrass.

I have learned sweetgrass braid teachings from Elders, in ceremony, and through experiences. There are many sweetgrass braid teachings from a variety of nations, but I wanted to highlight the wisdom I have learned through sweetgrass teachings and the importance of this beautiful and sacred medicine. It’s sweet and soft aroma reminds me to approach all my relations with gentleness, empathetic curiosity, and to speak and walk in kindness.

Sweetgrass is one of the four most common Indigenous traditional sacred medicines with the other three being tobacco, sage, and cedar.

Sweetgrass is known as a kindness medicine and the hair of our Earth Mother. It is rough on one side and shiny on the other, much like us. What I have been taught in ceremony is that sweetgrass grows strong together in a field and when alone can be vulnerable and fragile. Each strand individually is weak and fragile, but when braided together, it is strong and unbreakable.

The sweetgrass braid has three sections, each carrying a sacred meaning:

The first strand of seven blades represents:
Mind: Thoughts, learning, and clarity
Past: The seven generation before us and the footprints of our ancestors.

The second strand of seven blades represents:
Body: Wellness, actions, and responsibility
Present: The seven sacred Grandfather teachings of love, respect, truth, humility, wisdom, honesty, and courage.

The third strand of seven blades represents:
Spirit: Intuition, beliefs, and purpose
Future: The seven generations ahead of us (our children, grandchildren, and so on).

The burning of sweetgrass invites positive energy, calmness, and compassion for me and others. I start my day with burning sage to smudge my mouth, eyes, ears, mind, heart, feet, and hair with the smoky medicine to rid of any negative energy and to ground myself in the present with gratitude and good intentions. I then follow smudging with sweetgrass to invite that positive energy and daily intention with clarity and guidance to walk and talk in a good way.

The antidote for lateral violence is lateral kindness.

Lateral violence does not align with Indigenous worldviews that emphasize interconnectedness, balance, respect, and relational accountability. Ancestral knowledge and teachings show us that all beings are related, and that wellness is rooted in community and mutual care. Lateral violence is something that was imposed and learned. But if it was learned, it can be unlearned. And in its place, we can grow something different – something ancestral.

Lateral Violence Training

Transforming Conflict Into Lateral Kindness

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Here are six steps to practice lateral kindness:

• Know your story and the impacts of internalized oppression on your wholistic well-being.
• Sprinkle lateral kindness into your day, week, month, and year. Spreading kindness creates a positive ripple effect in your life and the lives of those around you.
• Share a smile with the person on the bus, on the sidewalk, at home, and at work.
• Share stories of lateral kindness and the impact it had on you.
• Lend a helping hand; volunteer and reciprocate kindness.
• Practice self-kindness. Although this is often thought to be selfish, self-kindness is a personal act of love towards oneself. This personal act of love shows the world how you want and deserve to be treated.

How we treat ourselves shows others how we want to be treated.

Imagine if your day was filled with hate, gossip, rumours, bullying, exclusion, discrimination, violence, racism, and harassment. I invite you to sit with this feeling for a moment and notice how it sits in your mind, body, and spirit.

Now imagine if your day was filled with kindness, love, grace, cooperation, sharing time and stories, reciprocal relationships, and equality. Imagine that this is experienced within your family, community, and workspace. I invite you to sit with and lean into that feeling for a moment. Notice the impact of this on your mind, body, and spirit.

Notice the difference? Now What?

Becoming a lateral kindness warrior begins with you.

Plant the seeds of kindness, water them, tend to them with care, and witness them take root and flourish. Although lateral violence is deeply rooted in historical and systemic internalized oppression, we can replant seeds of kindness that once spread throughout our communities.

When we courageously step forward with love and kindness, we can experience a surge of cultural reclamation.

Lateral kindness is more than playing nice in the sand box – it is a way of being which is deeply connected to the valued Indigenous teachings of love, respect, wisdom, courage, truth, honesty, and humility.

Healing and reframing lateral violence to lateral kindness takes vulnerability, courage, and commitment, which might feel uncomfortable.

Fly like the Eagle

In Ojibwe teachings the eagle (migizi) represents love:

• The eagle is considered sacred as it is connected to Creator through its high flight and keen vision. This gives the eagle a unique insight into the world below.
• An eagle feather is sacred and used in ceremonies to connect our prayers to Creator.
• The eagle represents the teaching of love, representing the love for all creation including the two-legged, four-legged swimmers, crawlers, fliers, plant relatives, water relatives and all of Mother Earth.
• The teachings of love include unconditional and reciprocal love, meaning compassion for yourself and others.
• The eagle teaches us that love means respecting yourself enough to walk away from harm, and respecting others enough to not cause harm.

Shifting from lateral violence to lateral kindness starts with you:

• Name it: Avoid shame and blame when bringing awareness to lateral violence. Place the focus on the behaviour rather than the person’s character.
• Acknowledge it: Meet defensiveness with empathic curiosity and not accusation as the behaviours are often rooted in unhealed trauma.
• Lead it: Model behaviour in humility and transparency.
• Celebrate it: Highlight acts of lateral kindness.
• Support it: Offer support when navigating relational conflict.
• Spread it: Spread lateral kindness like wildflowers!

Be like the eagle and sweetgrass:

Braid or weave in community, not conflict.
Speak words of love and warmth, not hurt.

We are stronger together!

Engage in hard conversations.
Empower each other.
Encourage kindness, not hurt.
Endorse challenging and loving conversations.
Empathy ”for the win.”
Equity always – we are all equal.
Example: Be a kindness leader and warrior.

Healing and reframing lateral violence to lateral kindness takes vulnerability, courage, and commitment, which might feel uncomfortable. Lateral kindness is more about being accountable and acknowledging mistakes and imperfections with humility to build a stronger community for the next generations.

I invite you to reflect on the following questions:

• What helps you weave together your mind, body, and spirit, to ground yourself in gratitude, kindness, and good intentions?
• What are you doing or what can you do to stay strong in unity with your community?
• What is one thing today that you can do to spread kindness and unconditional love to yourself, coworkers, family, and community?

Let lateral kindness be your medicine.

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Still Curious?

If you want to learn more about this topic, check out some of our related resources and products..

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Listen to Episode 41: Giwiidosendamin – Decolonizing How We Walk Together

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