Reconciliation Starts with Knowing Where You Stand

Need to Know

• Reconciliation starts by asking where we stand in the story and taking time to understand how our experiences have shaped us.
• At its heart, reconciliation is about relationships: with one another, with the land, and with the future we hope to build together.
• We don’t need to have all the answers before we begin. A willingness to learn, listen, and stay engaged is a meaningful place to start.

Reconciliation can feel overwhelming.

Many people want to take meaningful action but aren’t sure where to begin — worried about saying the wrong thing, making a mistake, or not knowing enough. Some wonder if they even have a place in the conversation.

We’re part of families, workplaces, and communities — the learning we do as individuals ripples outward, and what we encounter in those spaces shapes us in turn.\.

I recently joined Vicki Enns on the Counselling Insights Podcast alongside Heather Woodward to talk about reconciliation, learning, and the role workplaces can play in supporting change. One theme kept returning: reconciliation isn’t a destination or a checklist. It’s an ongoing journey rooted in relationships, reflection, and a willingness to keep learning.

Over the years, I’ve come to believe meaningful reconciliation starts with a simple question: Where do you stand in the story?

Reconciliation Begins with Us

When people hear “reconciliation,” they often picture governments, organizations, policies — large-scale change. That matters. But reconciliation also begins much closer to home, with understanding who we are, where we come from, and how our experiences have shaped how we see the world.

Heather and I talked about the importance of “locating yourself” — who are our people, what stories shaped us, what communities do we belong to, how do we relate to the land where we live? These aren’t questions with perfect answers. They’re about building awareness, so we can better understand how we connect to others and where we fit in this larger conversation.

And this work can’t stay individual. We’re part of families, workplaces, and communities — the learning we do as individuals ripples outward, and what we encounter in those spaces shapes us in turn. Reconciliation is both personal and collective; it requires both.

It’s About Relationships, Not Answers

When Vicki asked how we’d define reconciliation, neither of us started with policies or programs. We both landed on the same word: relationships.

For me, reconciliation is about how we relate to one another, to the land, and to a future we can sustain together. It isn’t information to collect or a box to check — it’s connection: listening, sharing, learning, giving back. That takes humility, curiosity, and a willingness to stay in the conversation even when it gets hard.

Why History — and What’s Beneath It — Matters

Most people know about residential schools, but that’s only one part of a much larger story of colonization: the policies, systems, and laws that have shaped Indigenous experiences across generations. Without that context, it’s hard to understand many of the realities Indigenous communities continue to face. This isn’t about blame — it’s about awareness, and recognizing that today’s challenges are connected to systems built and maintained over a long time.

Most people know about residential schools, but that’s only one part of a much larger story of colonization: the policies, systems, and laws that have shaped Indigenous experiences across generations.

I’ve also come to expand on the concept of intergenerational trauma to include the term colonial trauma, because it points us toward the source of harm rather than just its transmission through families. Picture an iceberg: above the water are the impacts we see in individuals and communities; below the surface are the systems — colonization, oppression, racism, patriarchy — that created them. Colonization has shaped all of us, though not in the same ways, and understanding what’s below the surface helps us understand the present more fully.

Making Room for Discomfort

Reconciliation work is often uncomfortable, and that’s usually the first thing people notice. People are worried about saying the wrong thing or asking a naïve question. That’s why safety has to be co-created, not simply declared — by asking what each person needs to participate honestly, and what helps curiosity and respect show up in the room.

The goal isn’t to eliminate discomfort; growth requires it. The goal is a space where discomfort leads to learning instead of defensiveness.

We’ve often heard people speak of their fear of saying the wrong thing or causing offense — something I’m sure many of us relate to. But fear can also keep us stuck. If we wait for all the answers before we participate, we may never begin. What matters is showing up with humility, openness, and good intentions, and accepting that we’ll make mistakes along the way. The alternative is staying silent and standing still.

The Ripple Effect

My hope is that these conversations don’t end when a workshop, book, or podcast does. Real change happens when people carry it into their own lives — at dinner tables, in workplaces, among friends — asking new questions, sharing what they’ve learned, and staying curious about histories they hadn’t considered before. That’s how change spreads: not through one grand gesture, but through countless small acts of learning, listening, and relationship-building.

Reconciliation belongs to all of us — it isn’t work for Indigenous people alone, or non-Indigenous people alone. It begins with understanding ourselves, and grows through relationship, reflection, and courage. We don’t need all the answers before we start. We just need a willingness to learn, to listen, and to take one step forward. And then another.

Key Takeaways

• Reconciliation is a practice of engagement rather than a goal to be completed.
• Understanding the systems and histories that shape present realities creates space for deeper awareness and more meaningful dialogue.
• Relationship-building requires ongoing curiosity, reciprocity, and a commitment to learning from one another.
• Creating space for honest conversation means accepting that uncertainty and vulnerability are part of the process.
• Fear of making mistakes can become a barrier to participation, while humility can open the door to growth.
• Lasting change often begins with everyday conversations and actions that extend beyond formal learning opportunities.